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Joke of the Day
"What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts? Your ghostliness."
Next Joke
"What do Nazis have for breakfast Luftwaffles"
"Coworker sneezed, and said ""Oh my. I don't know where that came from."" I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose."
"*plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*"
"We are all seven Huffington Post slideshows away from finishing a minor task"
"Why didn't Trump drown? Because shit floats."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, you'll be a mile away and he'll be barefoot."
"When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station"
"Why do aliens always disembark via ramp? Do they have problems with stairs? Or are flying saucers just handicap-accessible?"
"A guy who hates vegans, a guy who hates atheists, and a guy who hates people who do crossfit walk into a bar. And I know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."