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Joke of the Day

"There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down."

"A guy walks into a bar... And says ""ouch."""

"Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it."

"Why do turds taper off at the end? So your asshole doesn't slam shut"

"Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad"

"I'm opening a store that specializes in selling automatic weapons. It's called Bloodbath & Beyond"

"I remember hearing about this actor that lost all of his money and was locked up after a huge scandal... I'm pretty sure it was Nicolas Cage."

"New study finds that everyone you disagree with is like so, so stupid."

"Gay Necrophelia ""well I don't see anything wrong with gay necrophelia,"" said bob, in dead earnest."

"What type of car does an African drive? A Sudan"