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Joke of the Day

"So I listened to some LL Cool J then kept licking my lips like he does. I found myself in HR. Good thing I wasn't listening to KISS."

"I'd like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something."

"Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. The plane's going down. Look, stop screaming, that's not going to make me a better pilot"

"There are so many closet gay muslims, Isis just invaded Narnia."

"When all else fails burn shit, people will forget how much of a failure you are when they see stuff on fire."

"My wedding anniversary is next week. Does anyone have an idea for a gift that conveys the sentiment 'our love is priceless' for under $75?"

"When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer"

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you are NOT going to like it as an adult."

"Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter"

"Why are there more female than male archeologists? They always want to find a new bone."