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Joke of the Day

"*handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] ""u dont know me."""

"Is there any Indian left? No, there's naan left."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman? One says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says ""Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"""

"Once I've read about the perils of alcohol, I've decided to stop. Stop reading that is!"

"How do you get a parrot to talk properly ? Send him to polytechnic !"

"What drug is most destructive with phones? Crack."

"Can we speak to the Mayans and have the ending of the world earlier than planned? Preferably before the premier of the new Twilight movie."

"You know what happens when you put the toilet seat up? that's the joke"

"Can you believe that after all the shit they've been through, they're still together? My Buttcheeks ((_"