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Joke of the Day

"First the found ice on Mars and then they found water, now they just need to find whiskey to prove that 'Men are from Mars'."

"*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?"

"A guy walks into a bar.... he gets a concussion and dies soon after in the hospital."

"Why hasn't bigfoot ever gone to prison? Because he has only been convicted mythdemeanors."

"I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle. So I fixed it with scotch tape."

"People who say they'll be late for their own funeral* *trust me. you'll make it."

"I fell asleep on a tanning bed... Now I'm out of my grandfather's will"

"Maybe design women's clothes so the person wearing it can also zip it."

"I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer."

"My friends cat just ran across his banjo and was immediately sued by Mumford and Sons."