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Joke of the Day
"Someone told me to go fuck myself /r/selffuck was a great place to start!"
Next Joke
"I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something."
"WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen"
"Once Upon a Time Is a brilliant series"
"What type of matter can be both a solid and a liquid? Fecal matter It can also be plasma if you poop on the sun....can also be a gas if you fart. Also can be dinner if your hungry."
"Thinking about getting a liver piercing. Gotta stay extreme."
"Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator? It's always 7% off."
"Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd just sit a blow bubbles all afternoon? Well, Bubbles is back in town and wondering how you're doing these days..."
"If I had a dollar for every gender... I'd have $2 and some monopoly money..."
"Remember if you ever get mugged, don't yell ""Help."" Yell, ""Oh my god! It's Justin Bieber!"""