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Joke of the Day

"[Evan]: This new hair product is the best [Brad]: Yeah. Check out Jack still using mousse [Jack]: *with Bullwinkle on his head* Shut up guys"

"I see you when you follow. I know when you get blocked. I look at all your @ replies and hack your DM box. Stalker Claus is coming to town."

"Bae: come over Me: can we ever have normal conversations Bae: my parents aren't home Me: why can't you just ask how good my day was for once"

"Error 609: When your kid sleeps in between."

"I dated a midget, but I had to break up with her. She was always sticking her nose in my business."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Althea ! Althea who ? Althea in court!"

"The very first thing you learn in life is how to think outside the box."

"Son, I'm not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist."

"What do you call two gay Scotsmen? Ben Dover and Phil Mcrakkin"

"If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder."