209298

Joke of the Day

"""Write this down."" [Moses grabs tablet] ""Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"""

"When a guy texts ""your beautiful,"" reply with ""my beautiful what?"" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again."

"What do you call 24 carrots? Edible gold."

"Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live? All she does is stay on the dashboard."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? KANYE WEST - Beyonce should have crossed the road, not the chicken!"

"[reads chocoholic on tinder bio] Mmm I love chocolate, too [reads workaholic] I work a lot as well [reads catholic] I also am a cat addict"

"[During Sex] ""Hurry up, this isn't really my house."""

"Sigmund Freud was a moron with a huge ego And id. And superego."

"What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust"

"Go to a Mexican restaurant, get a table for two, tell them you're waiting for your date & then eat free chips & salsa for 7 years."