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Joke of the Day

"There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while."

"I hid a spare key outside my house in a fake rock, then hid that under thousands of fake rocks filled with fake keys. Your move, burglars..."

"Made up a classy joke, give me your feedback... I broke up with my clone the other day. Being sincere, I told him ""its not you, its me""."

"*outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn"

"What if global warming *is* a hoax and we clean up our air and oceans, create millions of jobs, and become energy independent for nothing?"

"Why did the blonde move to California? To be a star on Broadway Creds to That 70's Show S04 E6"

"Instead of murder/suicide, I'm contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend."

"I have a strong relationship with the flying spaghetti monster... ...but it's strained to say the least"

"My new bucket really does its job well. My old one pails in comparison."

"I wouldn't say my neighbourhood's been gentrified But it's been demilitarised"