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Joke of the Day

"There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while."

"My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?"

"Imagine if Hannibal was a university professor I'd love to go to a Hannibal Lecture!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!"

"How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend"

"A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says: ""Yemen, shore."""

"Someone asked a man who had been married for 20 years Q: What did you do before you were married sir? A: *with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do ..."

"*night falls, the full moon rises* ME: go, please! i don't want you to see me...like...this HIM: omg what's happening ME: *asleep by 10 pm*"

"They say anal sex is like your first car... you might not like it but your dad will give it to you anyway!"

"Why do bees buzz ? Because they can't whistle !"