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Joke of the Day

"Instead of murder/suicide, I'm contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend."

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching."

"Han: Leave us alone, you fat slug! Jabba: *speaks Huttese* C-3PO: The mighty Jabbs says your words are hurtful. He has a thyroid problem."

"The other night I had a dream I was being wanked off by a Ghost. I was scared stiff."

"'Two can play that game...' -people who dont understand that's how games usually work"

"Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I'm just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat"

"Someone came up to me and stole my candle I was incensed!"

"[police chase] FRIEND: ditch the stolen stuff ME: are u sure F: just do it M: *throws out stolen anchor and car comes to a screeching halt*"

"Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling? I could see myself doing that."

"The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks."