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Joke of the Day

"In 218 BC Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants. He got a mountain range that never forgets."

"told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco"

"I'm so lucky, I married my best friend!! I hope my husband doesn't find out"

"Why is it impossible to play UNO with Mexicans? Because they keep stealing all the green cards."

"Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain Me: Deal"

"Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" I'm not coming in this morning. (I got some time off now)"

"What does PONTIAC stand for? Poor Old Nincompoop Thinks It's A Cadillac"

"Light is useful It helps us 'c' things."

"Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*"

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND-EEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE"