209098

Joke of the Day

"I run sentences together on purpose so you don't get a chance to pause and change your mind about reading whatever it is I'm not saying."

"An innovative new alternative to ironing your clothes Look shitty"

"Joke of the day Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"""Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan,"" says my accountant while rubbing his temples."

"I'm at an age where I don't spring into action. I dead of winter into action."

"My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera."

"So Jesus can turn a Glass of Water into Wine Last night my drunk friend could turn a Glass of Water into Puke."

"No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears."

"Two hefty guys are drinking in the pub, one says ""Your round."""

"How do you break up an Arab Bingo game? Yell B-52."