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Joke of the Day

"Samsung But what did Sam sing?!"

"What are the three steps to put an elephant into the fridge..? 1.Open the fridge 2.Put the elephant in 3.Close the fridge"

"If you think I'm flirting with you, I'm just being friendly. If you think I'm weird and I make you uncomfortable, I'm flirting with you."

"There must've been a good reason Zimmerman pulled a gun on his wife. Like, maybe she was walking down the street, minding her own business."

"I'd quit drinking if the lime wedge on my vodka soda wasn't the only thing keeping me from getting scurvy."

"What did the man say when he stopped piggybacking his fat friend? ""Man, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!"""

"I've only had one car accident in the last month. It was a hit and run, so technically it doesn't even count."

"[morning] her: did you dream about me? me: that depends...are you a member of the Backstreet Boys? her: umm no me: then no"

"""Are you ignorant or just apathetic?"" ""I don't know, and I don't care."""