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Joke of the Day

"if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, ""STOP DOING THAT!"""

"I just saved a bunch of money by not paying any bills cuz I don't have a job."

"Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at."

"Human Beings get rich as they grow old Silver in Hair; Gold in Teeth; Sugar in Blood; Precious Stones in Kidneys; . And a never ending supply of Gas!"

"What do you call an anthropomorphic car that's attracted to itself? Autosexual."

"Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser."

"To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid."

"Apparently, I've got Rationalitis. I wouldn't know if it weren't for the check-up; it's asymptotic."

"I justified buying a PS3 because I knew I could always use it to just watch movies, and now that's the only reason I still have it. A 250GB hard drive holds a shitload of internet porn"

"Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom"