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Joke of the Day

"*whispers seductively in your ear* ""...look at that last slice of pizza and you're dead to me..."""

"You can tell a lot about a person by how quickly they grab their phone back to make sure you don't scroll through the rest of their photos."

"In retrospect, back in my club days I should have recognized there was a reason the beat always sounded like DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE."

"A bubble floats into a bar . . . The bartender asks, ""What do you want?"" The bubble says, ""Pop."""

"My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber!"

"I tried to download an ATV. But it was a bit Buggy."

"How do you kill a one legged fox? Make him run across Canada"

"What do you call a communist who's also a good sniper? a Marxman"

"If you tell me to make myself at home, don't be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... Don't laugh! You would too if you couldn't see or hear."