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Joke of the Day

"I'm way more unique than everyone else who likes the same esoteric bullshit as me."

"if someone asks you about yourself say ""OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story"" then just wander off"

"""DIDN'T THE KIDS JUST HAVE A DAY OFF SCHOOL LAST MONTH!?!"" ~A parent's memoir."

"What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn't follow you around stalking you after you toss a load in it."

"Did you know the right Woman can make you a Millionaire? You just have to start as a billionaire."

"Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side."

"I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls."

"Sometimes It's nice just to sit with the person you love. But then it has to get all awkward and her husband is all ""Why you at our table?"""

"What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii."

"What do you get when you mix a penis with a potato? A dick-tater"