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Joke of the Day
"I've had like 6 red bulls, so of course I'm vacuuming the front yard."
Next Joke
"I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything."
"Shit happens You know what they say: shit happens. That's why every time something bad happens, I pray for constipation."
"""Ugh! Dave is coming to dinner"" ""Wait, Dave Jones or Dave who impersonates police cars?"" [long silence] [hears faint sirens in the distance]"
"Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem."
"A priest, rapist, and pedophile walk into a bar He orders a drink."
"My brother and I ran out of protein powder. I turned to him and said, ""no whey....."" (true story)"
"I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces... ... I'll be the designated Marxman!"
"Wait a sec...That's not how the proverb goes! A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful."
"One of my grandfather's favorites. What sound does a pubic hair make right before it hits the floor? ""Ptui"""