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Joke of the Day

"Whats the worst part about Crabgrass? It's Not Lobster."

"[*Wakes up on sofa] ""Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?"" Wife [from bedroom]: ""YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."""

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo on my face."

"Knock Knock. *Who's There?* A Kid! *A Kid Who?* A kid who cant reach the doorbell."

"What's green and has wheels? Grass... I lied about the wheels"

"I have a pill that helps you lose pounds fast its called the brexit pill"

"I normally don't get a boner at Burger King But when I do, it's a whopper"

"So Apple wants to diversify their company... They should just press the home button three times."

"Sex is not the answer... Sex is the question. ""Yes"" is the answer"

"Apparently ""Which one?"" wasn't the best answer when my gf's dad asked me ""What are your intentions with my daughter?"""