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Joke of the Day

"As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"It's not a real relationship until you secretly start to hate each other."

"Remember, I'm not an idiot...I just play one on-OH CRAP I'M ON FIRE! GUYS, HELP! I'M ON FIRE AGAIN! Oh wait...this is just an orange shirt."

"LOUD PART, quiet part, LOUD PART, quiet part. There, I wrote a symphony. What's the big deal?"

"Why do giraffes have a great love life? Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart."

"Don't worry if you're not part of a clique. You can get the same experience by running through a minefield."

"I heard a glass of red wine a day was good for prostate health... My doctor, on the other hand, says I'm doing it wrong."

"whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza gets out of the oven."

"Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school. Headmaster."