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Joke of the Day

"As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.."

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"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."
"It's not a real relationship until you secretly start to hate each other."
"Remember, I'm not an idiot...I just play one on-OH CRAP I'M ON FIRE! GUYS, HELP! I'M ON FIRE AGAIN! Oh wait...this is just an orange shirt."
"LOUD PART, quiet part, LOUD PART, quiet part. There, I wrote a symphony. What's the big deal?"
"Why do giraffes have a great love life? Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart."
"Don't worry if you're not part of a clique. You can get the same experience by running through a minefield."
"I heard a glass of red wine a day was good for prostate health... My doctor, on the other hand, says I'm doing it wrong."
"whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza gets out of the oven."
"Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school. Headmaster."