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Joke of the Day

"Foreigner: I wanna know what love is.. Me: It's a feeling you get when.. Foreigner: I want you to show me.. Me: Ok, like wow. We just met"

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. Iv got an ear infucktion. Better assk again."

"The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday."

"So a man wins an argument with his wife..."

"I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius."

"Why did Darwin love CSS? Because children inherit properties from their parents."

"What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'"

"No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a ""lady killer"", it might end up being true."

"The TSA agent who runs the x-ray machine just told me ""Nice penis."" Thank you, Al Qaeda!"

"""Dad. Dad. DAD! Please just come home. You promised us you'd stop after Volume 46."" - Creator of NOW! That's What I Call Music's children"