208331

Joke of the Day

"Ladies: Stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet.....Sweeping is your job."

"Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]"

"I showed an old lady my balls when I was at church today... It was a sacrilegious thing to do."

"I'm glad my son will learn about sex from the internet. Remember how awkward it was when your dad showed you how to two-girls-one-cup?"

"I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters."

"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."

"When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot"

"What do you call a guy who has sex with bums? A hobosexual."

"Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that."

"Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult."