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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to carry on drinking, smoking, and having unprotected sex. Recent figures show that you are more likely to die in a plane crash."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died."

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? (gotta love the classics) You can unscrew a light bulb"

"I do things for others... Like when I'm drunk dancing by myself, Billy Idol style, and I save my friends from being seen with me."

"I bet it's crazy hard to do the YMCA dance in Chinese..."

"So Pete Rose is allowed back in Baseball, huh.... Pete...Pete.....Pete. Those rednecks love Pete. He's the white man's OJ but with less murder and robbery."

"Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth."

"When someone tells me they're a bodybuilder, I always ask ""Not the Dr. Frankenstein kind, right?"" because you can never be too careful."

"The Pythagorean Theorem, Newton's Third Law and Bernoulli's Principle walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm not going to get this joke aren't I?"""

"When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the ""math"" part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes."