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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a frugal Transformer? Optimus Dime."
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"People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe."
"How many female country singers does it take to sing a Patsy Cline song? Every fucking one of them."
"Women love to say ""sexy AF"" or ""hot AF"" on Twitter .... If I'd known being in the Air Force was that hot...I'd have stayed in !"
"[orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?"
"People say I'm the Lebron James of Comedy... Because I'm balding and Delonte West had sex with my mother"
"I got stung by a bee the other day..... 15 for a jar of honey!"
"[interview] BOSS: How many words can you type a minute? ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean? ME: Well, like for example, pickle"
"""Turtle Power"" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently."
"weekend plans: -solitude -cheese"