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Joke of the Day

"Leg Chat: What did the left leg say to the right leg? Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg? A: ""That one in the middle thinks he's hard."""

"Fun Fact: The average 3-year-old boy can stick 11 kernels of corn up his nose before he needs a trip to the ER."

"If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days."

"Date - ""so...are you going to be doing that for the whole date?"" [i can't hear her over my tuba]"

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"

"Star Wars should cast an Indian actor to play Mace Hindu."

"I once killed 19 birds with one gunshot, people asked why didn't I round up to 20 Do you really think I would risk getting caught lying just for 1 bird ?"

"WIFE: you've had enough ME (eating my 68th breadstick): aw man OLIVE GARDEN MANAGER: let him eat one more lol"

"bet i can make you wipe your screen"

"What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler."