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Joke of the Day

"[girl chatting up guy at bar] girl: so what do you do? magician: i halve a girlfriend"

"What's the one thing Spider-Man can't eat? Uncle Ben's rice"

"99 bugs in my code, 99 bugs in my code... Take one down, fix em' around, 404 bugs in my code."

"Why were 9/11 victims the fastest readers? They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds."

"I wanted to major in reverse psychology. My dream school turned me down. So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma."

"What kind of dog is the most colorful? A paint Bernard!"

"[1st date] HER: do you like charades? MIME: [thumbs up] HER: well? MIME: [nodding 'yes'] HER: hello? MIME: [shooting self with finger gun]"

"I farted in my wallet. Now i have gas money"

"Bro do you even watch The Notebook and weep softly, mourning the eternal nature of love juxtaposed against the fallibility of memory, bro?"

"At the bus stop ""Wow, the boy over there is ugly."" - ""That's my Son!"" - ""Oh sorry, I did not know that you are the father"" - **""I am his mother!""**"