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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't the veteran have a blow-up sex doll? Because of the flashbacks."

"someone just tweeted ""do crabs think fish are flying"" and i just know this is all i'll think about for the rest of the year"

"Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers ""Bless you"" and hangs up"

"Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down."

"The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing ""Stay With Me"" into a megaphone."

"There are two major differences between beer and women. When you take the top off a beer, it can't change its' mind, and it can easily be bought and replaced."

"Her: Do you have any kids? Me: I have 2 step kids Her: None of your own? Me: no Her: How come? Me: facials Her: I'm sorry what? Me: What?"

"(slightly dirty) What's the difference between a striptease artist and a trapeze artist A trapeze artist has a cunning stunt...."

"What's the difference between Doctor Who and Facebook? When the Doctor changes the timeline, it's usually for a good reason."

"in hindsight, ms. frizzle taking a bus of children inside of an unsuspecting person was not ok. one of those rascals peed in his body."