207723

Joke of the Day

"[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*"

"A search party sounds like a fun way to look for someone."

"Superman: Who's gonna be Batman? *leaves Earth*"

"What did the gay bar say to the straight bar? Q: What did the gay bar say to the straight bar? A: I'm not gay. Its just the guys that come inside me."

"Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven't pissed in 8 hrs"

"Some people have hauntingly good looks. Not you though, you're just really scary looking."

"Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants."

"He died doing what he loved, forgetting to put my potato wedges in the bag."

"[At a bar] Guy: Did it hurt? Me: What? G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw."

"Excuse me miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup there."