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Joke of the Day

"[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*"

"My boyfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because he doesn't exist."

"How many men does it take to close the toilet seat? No one knows yet!"

"I asked my friend what he does for a living. He said, ""I cut the arse off a cow and cook it."" At least he's making ends meet."

"Anal is like brushing your teeth. If you see blood your not doing it enough."

"Two pretzels were walking down the street... And one was a-salted."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can SUMMON DEMONS"

"My wife wanted a new mattress... I said I'd have to sleep on it."

"What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB"

"Lucifer, chased by an angel, hid himself in the London Philharmonic Orchestra He was eventually found in the horns section."