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Joke of the Day

"What did the coma patient win? A-trophy."

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands."

"Who always wins the insect election? The lesser of two weevils."

"What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine? If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks."

"Apple made an app for their watch, called i-Bro, which lets you connect to all your homies Feminists were upset they didn't name an app similarly for women."

"I asked my flamboyant son if he was gay and he beat around the bush. I wouldn't care if he is, I'm just pissed that I didn't get a straight answer."

"I don't understand why death row inmates are given their choice of meal before they're executed. ""I have to die tomorrow, but I get TACOS!"""

"There is nothing funnier than yelling ""SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public."

"Heard this one at work today I called out order number 404 Guy comes up and says ""I thought I would never find it!"""

"If you think that there's nothing that can make your plants stay alive... Watering can"