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Joke of the Day

"What comes after 69? Student: mouthwash teacher: get out"

"MY WIFE: [donating blood] ME: That's from both of us"

"My dad was walking around the house screaming yesterday.... He kept shouting, ""A, E, I, O, U"". ""What's wrong?"", I asked him. To which he responded, ""Nothing, I just have irritable vowel syndrome..."""

"How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are? They're the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you."

"Why is it so hard to order pizza from me? I'll update with the hilarious punchline later..."

"I have 7 legs, 5 eyes, and 9 arms. What am I? A liar"

"Why should you never date a vegan girl? She won't swallow."

"If I had a dollar for everything I did out of spite... I wouldn't take the money."

"ME: *fumbling with bra* sorry im usually good at this HER: its...fine ME: *successfully gets bra off* there we go, now you take off yours"

"me: ""what is a librarian's favourite food?"" dog: me: ""SHUSHI lmao"" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]"