19365

Joke of the Day

"A woman gets breast implants made of wood.. Too bad this joke doesn't have a punchline, it would probably be funny. Wooden tit?"

"My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine."

"*getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out"

"""Who the fuck is this bitch?"" - Me, every time the local news gets a new anchor woman."

"How is being a middle manager like being stuck in a tree full of monkeys? Whenever you look down, all you see is grinning faces. Whenever you look up, all you see is assholes."

"Off to work... A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"What do Leonardo DiCaprio & anyone who buys a Powerball ticket have in common? Their odds of winning are the same"

"SON: Mom, Grandma is so annoying, I wish she will just die. MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that will die, not mine."

"With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us"

"Sucks how Caesar died... ...Who knew he was allergic to knives?!"