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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if blackbirds ever watch reruns of 'That's So Raven' and go all, ""gurl please."""

"How are toy trains and boobs similar? Both are made for the kid, but daddy ends up playing with them more often."

"This Christian rock band is so bad... ...I want to die right now so I can complain in person."

"Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls."

"If I was a fashion designer Id call myself ""who"" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say ""Who?"" ""Yes who?"" ""Yes."""

"No, please don't feel like you need to use your turn signal. I understand how difficult it can be to slightly move one finger."

"So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon... One says to the other, ""Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"""

"I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as ""Dad"" and he just stood there calling it over and over"

"Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one? A: You have to hollow out the head."

"Toddler: I don't like you. *hits* Adult: I don't like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*"