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Joke of the Day

"Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose."

"Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career? She had no sense of porpoise."

"""oh holy crap this farmer just crucified a dude, maybe we shoud stay away from this farm"" - what crows realy think when they see a scarecrow"

"My neighbor just just had a baby boy born with no eyelids. When they did the circumcision they used the skin to make him some eyelids. He's doing great, just a little cockeyed."

"What do you call a fake thong (flipflop)? A scandal!"

"DON'T QUESTION YOUR DOCTOR A man went to see his doctor. ""You need to stop masturbating,"" the doctor told him. The man asked, ""Why?"" The doctor replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it's not just women who won't marry you."

"Why was the Shire so shocked when Bilbo threw himself and Sam into Mt. Doom? They were the first citizens they ever lost to a Mordor-suicide like that."

"What's black and eats pussy? Cervical Cancer"

"The joke's not here.... It's in the comments."