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Joke of the Day

"If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy"

"If any of you guys are considering law school, please keep in mind I passed the bar exam in multiple states & now I'm a purple hippo online"

"It's crazy people freak out about ghosts but are totally fine with actual, horrible human beings."

"Why are prison escapees so frustrating? Because they never finish their s"

"No, Grandma. Still not married; but the lady in the Popeye's Chicken commercials keeps calling me ""Honey"" so we'll see where that goes."

"Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich"

"Did you hear about the cliff in Helen Keller's backyard? Neither did she."

"""You know the newest cars drive themselves. And they found that by turning an equal amount left and right, you end up going straight."" ""I swear, officer."""

"Two blondes are found frozen to death at a drive-in theater. They were watching ""Closed for the Winter."""

"Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble? A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia."