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Joke of the Day

"Apparently in yoga when the instructor says, 'next we go into our downward dog,' it is frowned upon to make the 'bowchickabowow' sound."

"Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States? So there won't be a World War III."

"This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator... This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it."

"If the police ask, I was in my house from 2009 to 2013."

"No YOUR a grammar nazi!"

"Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn't mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room."

"Casper The Friendly Ghost never haunted my house. All I got was his stupid cousin, Murray The Constipated Poltergeist."

"Why did the girl put pop rocks down her pants To get that pussy poppin"

"Religion is all about who you DON'T recognize..... Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store."

"Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help. She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night."