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Joke of the Day

"If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one."

"DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg"

"Two competing podiatrists opened offices next door to each other... They were arch enemies. Edit: Spelling"

"How did the hermit crab show off his new apartment? He took a shelfie."

"I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had. He started counting and fell asleep."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's not funny"

"i am asking my dad ""Dad you look tired."" ""Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes? Those are the shadows of my great deeds."""

"I was going to be an Operatic Singer Before they threw me out of the hospital."

"I hate seeing babies are kissing eachother. It's like, get a womb."

"[After 20 min at your house] I used all your toilet paper ""Check in the cabine-"" All of it ""We have more in the gar-"" All of it all of it"