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Joke of the Day

"trump: u gave hillary 3 scoops of ice cream & i only got 2 icecream guy: u ate the first scoop already trump: ive never eaten ice cream ever"

"Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise."

"So, funny story. That Thundercat I shot on my front porch was some dumbass kid in a costume. Regardless, he's going up on the wall."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up and in the freezer!"

"I don't volunteer my time to worthy causes but I do always whisper ""you're doing great"" when a waiter is describing the specials to me"

"What is a mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country"

"[introducing you to my family] ""this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet"""

"Why do the Lanisters have such big beds? Because they push 2 twins together to make a king."

"I have a closet full of voodoo dolls created in the likeness of people I have seen with 11 items in the '10 items or less' checkout line."

"Come a little closer so I can push you away. Women"