207097

Joke of the Day

"""Want to parachute?"" ""No thanks, I'd rather not maybe die while strapped to a guy I met twenty minutes ago."""

"Batteries I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"A guy once told me that his favorite pastime was calculating averages. I asked him, ""What do you mean?"""

"Colombian Necktie Did the man with the Colombian necktie like his necktie? He couldn't say."

"My wife and I have lists for people we'd make exceptions for... I have one for midgets but it's a small list."

"People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom."

"I didn't get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life."

"I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire."

"What doesn't kill you, forces me to reload."

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."