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Joke of the Day

"Pretty sure my baby thinks the number after 10 is yay."

"My roommate said I might be schizophrenic. But what does he know I don't even have a roommate."

"Did you hear about the guy who said there were no rivers in Africa? He was in de-Nile."

"Being single isn't always bad. Look at Kraft cheese for example."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter a dick up your arse."

"Autocorrect changed ""panic attack"" to ""pancake attack"" and now I'm hysterical AND hungry."

"Tits are like Lego bricks... They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them."

"FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: ""Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"""

"I wouldn't mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren't coming from my wife."

"What do you call a terrorist who's always late? 9/12"