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Joke of the Day

"Why did the calculus students get arrested? For drinking and deriving."

"I swear I can stare at my girl for hours and not say a word. It's so fucking difficult with this restraining order to have a good conversation."

"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do."

"Every kid dreads accidentally calling their teacher ""mom"" but from personal experience, doing it in a rap battle is worse"

"What do you call an angry Russian? Pissdov"

"2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico Silver - Mexico Bronze - Mexico"

"Interviewer: Have you worked in a fertility clinic before? Me: No [nervous because it's my 1st interview] Me: But I used to be an embryo"

"Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much."

"ALL THE GAYS ON AN ISLAND My brother hates gay people -- hates us. 'We should take all you gays and stick you on an island.' 'Well they have, Frank. We call it Manhattan.'"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never had a lentil on my face before!"