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Joke of the Day

"My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom."

"Did you hear about the guy who could only count using odd numbers? He literally couldn't even."

"Why shouldn't you wear a watch on your belt? It'd be a waste of time."

"What do you call a sassy criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"Did you hear about the circus performance gone wrong? The lion tamer was mauled, it was in tents."

"ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms"

"There's a doping scandal at the Rio de Janeiro Paralympics involving the Russians. We will see if these accusation stories have any legs."

"Why did the judge throw out Bram Stoker's lawsuit? His accusations weren't backed up by vampirical evidence"

"I'll accept the 'fat fingers' excuse for typos but if you fuck up your/you're I'm going to need to see a doctor's note explaining your IQ."

"The downside of being tolerant is all the ignorant bullshit you have to tolerate."