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Joke of the Day

"There's a sign in this bathroom that asks us not to flush anything but toilet paper down the toilet & now I'm unsure how to proceed."

"After years of cooking, I've found that the best way to prepare brussels sprouts is to throw them away and order pizza."

"I'm so lazy, If autocorrect doesn't know the word after 3 letters I don't even bother sending the text."

"If you don't boo at people after bad sex how do you expect them to ever get better?"

"I've heard that a support group has been started for writers who can only sell their work to Barnes & Noble It's called Authors without Borders"

"What is hot and makes me hard? Being covered in lava."

"How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier? The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!"

"[OC] A cold bear Did you know that when a bear gets cold it loses control of its vowels and becomes a brrrr?"

"[senses date is losing interest in me] ""my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"""

"I grew up in a time where your mothers saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around."