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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have no friends My bed: Wow I'm like right here"

"Do you know why you shouldn't wear Ukrainian underpants? Chernobyl fall out."

"What did one bag of shit say to the other bag of shit? ""Ugh, stop standing so colostomy."""

"The Earth was concerned about the moon. The Sun tried to reassure the Earth. ""The moon is just going through a phase"" said the Sun."

"If horror movies have taught me anything, it's lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as ""mother"" or ""father."""

"I'm uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. Guys."

"Job interview Hiring manager: so, according to your resume you have listed ""can pee with a boner"" as a skill Me: yea bruh I guess u can say its kinda hard Manager: wow lol you're hired"

"Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!"

"What did the Christan principal say when she kicked a student out of school? THE POWER OF CHRIST EXPELS YOU."

"Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: ""Still not sure if we like it, tbh."""