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Joke of the Day

"Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!"

"Nintendo managed something astonishing in this week's Nintendo Direct announcements... People finally gave a shit about Cloud based gaming."

"My wife handed me a mop so I inspected it and said, ""You're good to go, woman!"" and now the mop handle is in a funny place."

"Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer? He had loco motives"

"Four Mexicans drowned over the weekend Newspaper headline: Quatro sinko"

"Call me self-indulgent, but I only stay in motels that advertise ""color TV"" and ""air-conditioning"" on their sign out front."

"Young guy goes in for his annual physical Doctor says: You have to stop masturbating Young man: What?! Why?? Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you!"

"some penguins also can't fly because of their previous statements on Hamas and Afghanistan"

"I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego."

"To test my ability to emphasthize I tried to force myself to empathize with Brock Turner But if I learned anything from him it's that some things should never be forced"