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Joke of the Day

"How do make a Kia twice as valuable? Fill up the tank"

"Endless shrimp. a.k.a sir we close at 10:30, you have to leave now Im going back in the morning and ask to continue"

"What is the difference between New York City and the deep south? In the deep south they at least had a show trial before letting murders walk free."

"Knock, Knock... Who's there? The Gestapo. Gestapo who? Ve ask ze questions, schwein."

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?"

"The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!"

"I was taken by aliens! I couldn't get away, I don't speak Spanish!"

"Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime."

"What do Polish arctic researchers do at elections? They have a polar pole poll."