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Joke of the Day

"It's not fair how teenagers today can avoid social interaction with family by staring at their phones I had to show my contempt by grunting"

"I went to a zoo yesterday that just had one dog in it. It was a shih tzu."

"Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee."

"What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-two year olds? There are twenty of them."

"I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life'. I said, ""No thanks, I'm already married."""

"Since the invention of the smart phone, how many times have you clicked a desktop icon once and waited for a response. Ok, just me?"

"What car did the Apostles drive? (Hint:Acts 2:1 KJV)"

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on"

"Honey I won the Lottery. Overly exuberant husband came home. ""Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!"" Wife; ""Where are we going?"". Husband; ""We are not going anywhere - get the fuck out!"""

"Did you hear the one about Dorian Gray's stool sample? That shit NEVER gets old."