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Joke of the Day

"If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days."

"Why did the crab hate to share? He was a little shellfish."

"What do you get when you mix a hamburger with Guinness. A hamburger paddy."

"Don't care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you're male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut."

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, this one doesn't"

"What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ? Ear we go !"

"#ReplaceACelebWithAHouseHoldItem Nail Patrick Harris"

"*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*"

"Have you ever tried to do ""The Dolphin"" during sex? It's when you try and stick it in the butt and she shakes her head saying ""eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh""."

"What did the oxygen atom say to the two hydrogen atoms? Man! This threesome is getting me wet!"