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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did; in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the other people in his car."

"I will NEVER make the same mistake twice ... In a row. They're in rotation."

"Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it."

"So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy... No homo tho."

"My entire life I have never been able to finish anything. Most recent is this punch"

"Things not too say before a 3some: Of Course we're going to wait for your friend, she's the hot one."

"So today my doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked ""Why?"" He says ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close."

"Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ? To run his hands through his hair."

"What's Hillary Clinton's favorite work of art? Pneumonia Lisa"