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Joke of the Day

"When I date single moms, I tell the kids ""I'm just trying to fill the hole left by your father;"

"Last week, I told my grandpa that Amazon is the best place for Christmas shopping. He just called me from Brazil."

"As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection... ""Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog,"" said the vet."

"What is a dog's favorite camp sport? Woofleball"

"Arent a donut and a danish the same thing? Well they are both synonym rolls!!"

"I said to my GF ""Please get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,"" she replied ""you can borrow my iPad."" That spider never knew what hit it!"

"Doctor doctor I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks."

"Hey girl with 20,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the fuck up."

"Why do Men find it hard to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes."

"What do we say to the god of procrastination? Not today."