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Joke of the Day

"Maybe zombies just have shampoo in their eyes."

"If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood."

"Did you know that gullible is the only English word that is not in the dictionary? I'm serious, it isn't. Go look it up and see for yourself."

"Q: Why did the astronomer hit himself on the head in the afternoon? A: He wanted to see stars during the day."

"What did the woman say to her husband who constantly turns the heater up way too high? ""This is why we can't have ice things!"""

"Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist because everyone wanted ""no strings attatched"""

"Lightly used fish tank for sale on eBay. Does not contain three goldfish ghosts."

"I'm on a pepperoni pizza cleanse."

"[For enemies] You know the difference between you and I? You came out of your mom. I came in her."

"Did you hear about the 3 car pileup in Tijuana? 28 people died"