205957

Joke of the Day

"""FOR SALE: blender, like new. Does NOT make things taste like crayons ALSO FOR SALE: wax fruit, slightly scratched."""

"I'd much rather have a sex tape released to the public than a video of me trying to run in flip flops."

"What do Cerial killers drink? milk"

"Did you hear about the guy with two wooden legs who's house burnt down? He fell on his ash."

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you're paranoid."" Me: ""My resume has been talking behind my back?"""

"I'm meeting a man I really like for drinks. If I play my cards right, he'll be deleting my number in a few hours."

"The Worst Journey in the World by Helen Back"

"My girlfriend made me watch a movie with her about how women struggled during their menstrual cycles in the 18th century. It was a period piece"

"This post-pregnant lady found the perfect way to shed her baby-belly by giving birth! Scientists and non-pregnant ladies HATE her!!!"

"A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied. He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine."